love-feels-likeI was struggling with sin the other day. My sin specifically, but you’ll excuse me if I don’t air all my dirty laundry online 🙂 anyways I was struggling with my sin the other day and went to my mentor basically saying “I’ve gone to the cross again and again and again and I just can’t get a handle on [my thorn in the flesh]” What he said to me, he had said to me a million times before, but for some reason it really struck me hard that day. Maybe I was more broken than normal, maybe I was more repentant than normal. Maybe I just got lucky. Maybe Holy Spirit decided that now was the time. I don’t know but I got it this time.

My mentor said “Sage, you have not been well loved.”

What he meant was that I did not have a real, clear revelation of the love of Christ. Love, which described throughout the entire bible, is given the most succinct description in Ephesians 4:2-3

“[love] with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit and the bond of peace.”

I know the verse is talking about how the church should behave with respect to one another, but I also see it as a clear description of the type of behavior Christ modeled.

Christ was humble and washed the feet of the disciples. He was gentle with Peter and Simon when they doubted or sinned. Jesus was patient with the 12 as he told them again and again and again what was going to happen and yet STILL they did not understand. This is the love of Christ, and even though I can say I could study the topic and though I can say that I have a knowledge of all this, it is a head knowledge. It is knowledge that had not penetrated my heart, and even now I can’t say that I have a full heart-knowledge of the love of Christ. Even now I’m still in the process of seeking that love and receiving the revelation of what that love means.

Here are some things I’m doing to help the process along.

  • Wait on the Lord. As I pray each day, I take at least ten minutes to just sit and wait for the Lord to do something in me. I come to Him saying “Your servant is here, I am listening.” “Here I am Lord.” “Lord, I’m not moving until you move me.”
  • Confess to the Lord. as much as I desire to know Jesus, to have him open up to me to grant me these revelations, He wants me to reveal myself to him. Not because he doesn’t know me or not because he CAN’T know me, but because as I bring my walls down, as I confess to him and open my heart to him, the greater access he has to me.
  • Try tears. This is another one my mentor has always said. “When all else fails, try tears.” Pray and seek God and be so desperate for Him that in his absence all I can do is weep. This one is really tough for me. I’m not a weeper. I’m not a sobber. I’m not even a tear in the corner of my eye kind of guy. But I ask the Father to push my heart to desire him that deeply.
  • Love the Lord. The great commandment right? “Love the lord your God with all your heart, mind and strength.” So I worship, and read the word. I could get involved with service but for me, service isn’t always about God, so I’m very careful to make sure I do something that bears NO OTHER RESULT besides the proclamation of my love for God.
  • Love others. that one’s pretty straightforward but there you go.

Any one out there have any other suggestions?