I fell
I stood up
I walked
I ran
And fell.
I stood up again
Walked again
Ran again
Fell again
And again
And again
And again
And again
….

And again.
I comfort myself with phrases and words
Like
Forward failure
Accelerated failure
I say to myself
“it is more important that I stood up than it is that I fell.”
I say
“though a righteous man falls seven times
He will rise [8]
But the wicked will stumble to ruin.”
I get up
And I then I fall
8. 9. 10. 11.
12 times.
It gets harder and harder
To repeat this mantra
To say “I want to learn from this fall.”
To say “it is not failure if I learn from it.”
My throat is dry from saying so
Caked with the dust of a road
That. Has left me stumbling into oblivion.
My face is covered in the dirt
From the road.

I cannot rise again.

I am too tired
Too bruised by fall
After fall
after fall

I cannot rise again.

13 times is too many times to rise again.

I lay facedown in the dirt
And the only water to wash my face
Streams out the corners of my eyes.

I lay facedown in the dirt
I the middle of the road
As people carefully step around me.

I lay facedown in the dirt
Hopping to die because falling is too painful.

I lay facedown in the dirt
Hopping that someone carefully stepping around will help me
Dreading that someone carefully stepping around will help me.

I lay facedown
And help comes.

Help comes
A hand reaches down to wash my face.
An arm hugs my shoulders.

Help comes
I’m washed in love
That falls like rain

I lay facedown in the mud
Mud of my own sweat and tears
Mud the rain washes away.

The rain falls and washes the mud
The dirt
The sweat
The tears
Away.
All washed away
Until I’m laying facedown in a pool of clear and clean water.

The rain doesn’t stop.
The arms are still around my shoulders.
A voice whispers strength into my ear.
My joy and love expressed as rain washes down my cheeks from my eyes.
The pool of water grows.
I can rise now.
But for the moment

I lay facedown
Thankful.

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