Every so often I’ll end up talking to someone who has a self-esteem issue. “I just don’t like myself very much.” Or “I don’t really have anything to offer.” Sometimes the whole “I don’t like the way I look” or “I don’t feel right in my own skin” comes up but most of the time it really is the first one. People tell me
“I don’t understand why God loves me.”
“Nobody likes me, not even me.”
“What can I say? I just don’t like me.”
And there are certain things I say, I talk with these people and walk with them and love them as best I can hoping that they can see the love of God through my love for them. Let me tell you though, that nothing was quite so surprising as when I was thinking about my ministry and the way I divvy up my time. The thought went like this.
“Well I can give and give and give, and it’s really not all that hard for me to give of myself and I’ll probably keep on giving of myself till I have nothing left because I just don’t like myself very much.”
That was like hitting a brick wall for me. “WAIT!” I shouted out loud (thankfully I was in the car by myself and no one was around to look at me weird). “That’s all kinds of not healthy.”
Then I start repeating all the scripture back to myself about this kind of thing. “He knows the hairs on my head” “His thoughts for me number more than the grains of sand on the beach” “For I know the plans I have for you, plans to give you a hope and future” “For God so LOVED the world.” It sorta helped, but it won’t change any of my core behaviors because I’m a works oriented kind of guy. I like to work, I value myself based upon my work and of course, my work may be good, but that doesn’t mean it’s good enough. (all you type A’s out there know what I’m talking about)
But here’s the simple truth that is going to change me. God loves me. The creator of the universe loves me and values me. He says I’m worth dying for and I have the balls to say otherwise? Do I really think I know better than the Lord of the Universe who takes time out from electron clouds and spinning planets to look at me and say “Love you kid.”
How long have I acted like I know better than God? How long have you done it?