First of all I want to offer special thank you’s to a couple of people. I mention them in this blog post and if you’re reading this then I thought it’d be fair to give you a heads up on what’s happening. So here they are, in no particular order. Angie, Kevin and Christie, Chris, Aaron and Laura, David and Ellen, Christa, Jon and Melly, and Dustin and Lori. I’m sure there are others and I’m sorry if you should be in the list and I forgot you. God’s still working on me on this one.
On Tuesday I threw out a #JesusRevolution challenge to love. Jesus’ love was rampant and as his followers we are required to love as he did and follow him in that. Today I’m realizing how difficult that is for me. I suppose calling it a revelation would be a little inaccurate since I’ve known about this for a while but I’ve been hoping that by ignoring it God would radically take care of it and I could move on. Well maybe not so much.
Anyways, you may have noticed that I don’t have a whole lot of personal details about myself on this blog. For example, can you tell me what my wife’s name is? It’s Joan in case you were wondering but you see my point right? I tend to stay as private as possible while still seeming to be open and transparent. This really hit home for me when Angie over at From the rooftops (great blog btw, you should certainly check it out) sent me a very simple twitter message. It was only four words long and I literally spent two or three hours reading them and letting them soak into me.
“How are you, friend?”
To be honest, I’m still not entirely sure why it hit me so hard but the fact that it hit me at all told me something. I’m really bad at being loved.
One time, not too too long ago, I was really struggling with a lot of different things and Kevin over at Cowboy Campfire Ministries offered me some very practical help. I couldn’t bring myself to accept it. Was it pride? I don’t think so, I think it was just that I didn’t know how to say “yes” and accept it. (btw Kevin things have REALLY settled down over here. Can’t wait till you make it over so I can tell you in person!)
Chris has extended a hand of friendship to me so many times and he has offered to pray with me and for me so many times and it took me FOREVER to actually say “ok let’s be prayer buddies.” I couldn’t accept the fact that he wanted to pray for me. I had to qualify it with “let’s pray for one another.”
Aaron, Laura, David, Ellen, Christa, Dustin and Lori have all offered me friendship and love and I have had real problems accepting it. Why I’ve had problems isn’t important. I see this as a wall requiring a sledgehammer not some inner healing requiring a scalpel (sorry Ellen). So this is me going after it with a sledgehammer. This is vitally important for a simple reason.
“Freely you have received, freely give away.”
I can’t freely give away love and live a life of love rampant, until I’m able to accept that people are willing to love me for no reason other than they do.