You ever heard a knock at the door or the phone ring and then ignore it? I have. A number of times. I’d say that the overwhelming majority of these cases occur when I know who it is on the other side and I am desperate to not deal with it. By “it” I mean that person’s problems or the problems they represent.
You know the people. The guy who is always trying to get one more favor out of you. The girl who just broke up with her latest boyfriend and is crushed. The girl you’re trying to break up with and just don’t have the guts to actually do it. A billing department reminding you that your last check bounced and they haven’t received the new one (that you haven’t sent in yet). How about the call from Mom asking why you don’t call more often?
How about the guy you know you wronged and are afraid to face?
This last one is the worst if you ask me. Back in High School I wronged a whole bunch of people whether it was from something I did or something I deliberately didn’t do it was still wrong. There was this girl my senior year of High School. I think we were dating but it was such a messed up relationship I’m not sure it deserves any title beyond “BEEP buddies.” Anyways I’m fighting with this girl one night because I’m not feeling well, I’m feeling sick and she thinks I’m lying about it and words are exchanged and if I had been a different kind of High School Senior I would have probably used her face as a punching bag. (Yes, it was definitely that kind of argument.) Finally, when I should have offered her a ride home or to call her a cab or something, I just walk away.
Turns out I was so sick I spend the night in the hospital and the next couple of days into the weekend laying in bed. And while I’m there, I’m ignoring every single phone call from her because I don’t want to apologize for leaving her there. When I finally see her in school we argue some more because she’s busy calling me names while I’m insisting I didn’t do anything wrong.
The reason I tell you this story, is because some part of me really believed all the crap she said. That I wasn’t man enough to take care of a woman, that I was a weakling and a coward, a liar and a cheater and if I’m not polite enough to even offer her a ride home, I can’t even call myself a decent person. In other words, a part of me is always convinced that everything is always my fault.
Now was it completely my fault? Probably not, but that doesn’t change the fact that I mistreated her and it doesn’t matter that she treated me worse. “It rains on the just and the unjust alike.” No the real point to this story is that I always project this outcome to every situation in which I MIGHT be at fault.
So I don’t fill out my timesheet at work right? I get ready to get chewed out.
I don’t do a great job on a project? I get ready to get chewed out.
I sin against God? I get ready to get chewed out.
So every time I sin, and I hear God knocking at the door or I hear the phone ringing and I know it’s him, I hide my head in the sand. He just wants to get things right between us. He wants me to confess and come to Jesus, no judgment, no knockdown fight, and repent. He wants to save me and I just want to hide my head in the sand.
But it doesn’t matter how hard I hide, or how hard anyone else tries to hide, He’s still knocking on your door, he’s still calling you on the phone with a simple message. “It’s ok. You’re forgiven. Come sit with me.”