I want to share with you something that I’ve learned over the past couple of weeks.  For those of you who’ve been following me you may have noticed a slightly darker tone to a lot of my writing lately, and may have even noticed a few frenzied attempts to proclaim a healthier and brighter attitude over myself.  If you haven’t noticed it in my writing then let me tell you.

Recently I’ve been suffering from a not-so-fun roller coaster of emotions made even more interesting by a hard headed attitude that I’m supposed to be happy and cheery all the time.  I even had one person give me a little rebuke about my moods saying something along the lines of “Christians have no excuse to be depressed.”

Now as I said before, there is great joy in our redemption.

(Side note: this post is aimed towards Christians.  If you’re not a Christian this won’t make any sense and I can’t imagine how it will seem so please don’t read on.)

There is great joy in our redemption.  There is an abundance of life that comes from living water, that comes from walking in relationship with Christ.  There is hope for things unseen, there is love for everyone, and mercy and grace beyond understanding.  And these are great points for which we should be grateful and should give us joy.

But it’s only wonderful because we are a broken people.  Well I’m a broken person at least, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m a broken person.

And over the last few weeks I’ve learned something about being that kind of person: brokenness sucks.

I know what the scripture says about it.

In my weakness he is strong, he is perfect in my imperfection, blessed are the persecuted, the poor, the mourning, and those who endure insults.  Yeah I know that’s great.  Brokenness still sucks.

Being broken hurts.  And receiving mercy for my brokenness doesn’t make it go away, it just makes it so that Jesus can function through me despite my condition.  In fact, sometimes mercy makes brokenness WORSE because it points out every single little detail in which my condition requires me to ask for mercy and then, I RECEIVE IT! I don’t even have to do anything to fix it I just get it.

The thing about redemption and mercy however, is that I’ve never really appreciated it before now.  I’ve never really understood just how broken a person I am until just recently. And now I’m laying that brokenness down before the cross.

To the one whom much has been forgiven, the one who has recognized their pain and suffering and sin and come to me laying down their burdens before Me to beg forgiveness, they will receive and receive abundant love.  But to the one who can’t even see the stains of his sin on his life, and who cannot ask for mercy and forgiveness because of it, that one will receive little and receive little love.

Luke 7:47 (Dramatically Embellished Version)