At one point I tried playing the drums. The djembe to be exact and it was a reasonable mess. If someone else was playing as well I could follow along and somehow manage not to make a total fool of myself, but for the most part I was pretty useless. And for the most part I’ve felt this about myself to some degree for my entire life. I felt useless. I wasn’t sure where I fit or what I was good at. I wasn’t even particularly healed of that problem when I was saved because I was still struggling to find a sense of self and a sense of purpose but just using a different set of criteria.
Yesterday my buddy from Cowboy Ministries made a comment about how there are plenty of people in the genealogies who were probably sitting around doing the same thing never suspecting that they were part of a bigger picture. But it also made me wonder what role they ended up playing in their own little story.
What role will I play in my own little story?
But things have changed for me over the past week. I’m not so worried about it any more for a couple of reasons. On of them is pictured up top.
A baby’s heartbeat hits somewhere around 160 beats per minute. And listening to it yesterday as the sonographer took her measurements on a really awesome digital sonography machine thingy it really stirred me. It felt like for the first time, I was really hearing God. He listens to us the same I was listening to that heartbeat. And I understand something else now as I reflect on that moment and remember the awe and wonder I felt in that moment.
I want my baby to be happy. Is it any wonder that God wants the same for us? Psalm 37 says “delight in the LORD and He will give you your heart’s desires.” I could go on for days about that verse but Chad Estes wrote a great post about this for today entitled Plaques make horrible gifts. I really suggest you read it he pretty much says what I would have if he hadn’t done it better and before me. Bottom line of it all is that there comes a point where our desires are the desires God has for us.
There comes a time when that book you’ve wanted to write but never had is the same book that God wants you to write; when starting a band REALLY IS what God wants you to do; and so on.
Point is I finally found my rhythm and music. It goes like this.
Thump thump. Thump thump. Thump thump. I got rhythm, I got music, I got my girl who could ask for anything more?
(And no, I don’t actually know if it’s a girl yet but my wife and I have a bet going).