So as I was laying on my couch yesterday, lamenting the unfortunate consequences of Chinese food on my digestive tract and watching my usual lineup of feel good b/c I’m sick movies (Bourne Identity, The Last Samurai, and Paycheck), it occurred to me that I’ve lost a lot of passion in my life. So I asked myself “where did it go?” I mean stuff like that doesn’t just up and disappear, we’re talking about a natural inborn desire. So I was really sitting around thinking about this yesterday and here’s what I came up with.
Passion died when I died to self. I can’t tell you how much of my former life died when I became a Christian. No really, I have no desire, will, or inclination to tell you how much I’ve died to self. But when Paul talks about the passions that inflame us and control us, he’s talking about passions and desires of the flesh. I don’t want that in my life. I want to completely submit to His will for my life because the Father knows best right? I mean, why do good on my own when He’s got the best?
My passion wasn’t worldly. Ever hear the expression “So Godly he’s no earthly good.”? I don’t want to be that guy. I want to be in the middle of all the dirt and mess and help with the clean up. So when someone tells me that my passion for art is “an interesting hobby,” or that my desire to pursue writing is “great but what’s your plan b?” it get’s shut down. Because if it’s of no earthly good, then why would God grant me that passion? Why would I dream about being the youngest man to win a Pulitzer when it doesn’t really do anything for God OR the world? Well it must be flesh right?
God doesn’t want me to be happy. We call this a lie. Lie: Noun – something so ridiculously untrue that anyone with half a brain laughs hysterically at the sound of it…or cries uncontrollably depending on your personality. How do I know this? “I know the plans I have for you, plans to build you a hope and a future, plans to prosper you and not to harm you.” “He will grant you the desires of your heart” “Hope fulfilled is a tree of life.”
I can’t ask God for something and then ignore it. I realized that lately I’ve been praying “LORD, show me the way you’ve prepared for me!” Now if you just got a picture of some poor schmuck on his knees in the middle of the desert with wild coyotes surrounding him and about ready to eat him….well it was nothing like that. But the truth is that I’ve been asking God for this and then constantly ignoring the promptings of my heart. I’ve ignored and cast aside those things that I thought were too much of me, too fleshly, too earthly.
Because God can move a man’s heart and direct his every step. God can call a person into being and call that person into living. God loves you and wants to make sure that you want to do the things he wants you to do.
But most importantly, God loves you. Don’t you think he’d delight in your dreams as much as you do? He’s the one who gave them to you in the first place.
Ever choked out a passion before? Was it God or flesh?